Photo of Michael Somerville

Michael Somerville's Blog

  • Spring in Somerville!

    May ushers in a huge month of TV and live appearances! 


    NEW episodes of Wingman will air Saturdays at 3:30pm on FLN starting this Saturday, May 2. Check fineliving.com for your local cable channel and be sure to watch past episodes at fineliving.com/wingman. 


    Also, I have a HUGE live performance in New York City:


    “An Evening with Michael Somerville”

    Wednesday May 20 @ 8pm

    Comix Comedy Club

    353 West 14th St (just off 9th Ave)


    Tickets: $12 in advance/ $17 day of show 

    WITH THIS CODE: trip

    Reservations: www.comixny.com or (212) 915-0421


    And for daily jokes and funny updates follow me on twitter: 

    twitter.com/M_Somerville 


    Here’s to many laughs this Spring! 


    Michael Somerville

    4:00 AM

  • "Wingman" Online!

    Hey Gang!

    Now you can watch "Wingman" online! I HIGHLY recommend "Pierre-Episode 103" to learn what NOT to say to women! http://...com/cuyhox

    Mucho laughs!

    Michael "Wingman" Somerville
    8:57 PM

  • 7 Lies Every Guy Tells

    Glamour June '08

    Total B.S. you'll hear from Jake and other usually honest men

    Sure, truthfulness is crucial to a successful relationship, but there isn't a man alive who hasn't tweaked a fact or two to make his romantic life a little easier. I don't think it's devious behavior--in many cases the following lies are meant to make you happy--but I'll let you be the judge.

    1 "Your best friend rocks!" My last girlfriend thought her best friend was "awesome" (and the friend agreed). I guess I just have a different definition of awesome. To my ex, it was the fact that the friend was comfortable going to a bar in sweatpants. To me, awesome would be a friend who is comfortable going to a bar in no pants. Alas, I knew my girlfriend loved--and listened to--her zany crony, so I played along.

    2 "I'm sorry." When a guy says this, there's a good chance that he's more confused than contrite. "I've apologized to tons of women, and not once was I perfectly clear on what I'd done wrong," says my cousin Steve. "I was, however, totally clear on the fact that I was expected to apologize." Next time this happens to you, ask your guy what he's sorry for. If the answer is vague (e.g., "for all the things that made you mad"), he hasn't a clue what he did.

    3 "Mark needs to talk." In our 15 years as friends, Mark has never needed to talk. So when I tell a woman I have to go out to have a heart-to-heart with him, what we're really doing is drinking beer and watching sports. On rare occasions when Mark actually does have something to discuss, such conversations never last more than four minutes and usually end with: "Don't stress about it. Let's get a beer and watch the game."

    4 "I'm headed into a tunnel--gonna lose you." I say this to get off cell phone calls at the beginning of a relationship. But I am not driving in my car; I am sitting in my apartment. It doesn't mean I'm bored with the conversation--in fact, it usually means I'm pleased with my performance thus far, and once I've strung together a few good jokes, I just want to end on a high note.

    5 "I love your dog/cat." "When my fiancée gets home, I get a nonchalant 'Hey' but her cat gets a parade," says my friend Chris. "Hugs, kisses. She asks if it's hungry--as if it can answer! What about me? I wouldn't mind a snack!" Bottom line: We can't stand the competition, but we have to play along if we want to get a little affection of our own.

    6 "The sex is great, but let's take a quick break." Ever have a session interrupted because he suddenly needs to go to the bathroom or "has something on his mind"? In truth, he may have just finished having sex. Since we don't want to admit that we didn't last as long as we (and presumably you) would like, we'll pretend something urgent distracted us. Please don't dig for the truth.

    7 "I'm just kidding." Perhaps man's most employed tactic for getting out of a jam. We said something that held truth--about your family, your friend, you--and you got upset. Now we're doing damage control and trying to pass the whole thing off as a joke. It wasn't. When my friend Joe (stupidly) told his girlfriend that if he weren't with her, he'd want to date her sister, she flipped out. His response: Whoa, hold on! Totally kidding!

    So now you'll know his B.S. when you hear it. Thanks for reading--I gotta go. Mark needs to talk.
    12:19 PM
    • Post a comment...
      • mALX

        Lol, great blog! By the time a woman reaches my age, they have already figured out most of these on their own long since, if not, they never will, lol.

        3 years ago
      • Americas Favorite Tran…

        Thats hilarious!!

        3 years ago

  • Jake: A Man’s Opinion -- Glamour Magazine Dec ’07

    Tips for jealous types

    Great news for hot-blooded women everywhere: Your possessiveness could be a good thing for your relationship. Jake explains.

    When I was 17, my girlfriend came with me to get my wisdom teeth pulled. At the doctor's office, a pretty receptionist greeted me with a big smile and handed me paperwork to fill out. When I checked "single" under marital status, the trouble began.

    "You're not single," my girlfriend protested.

    "Well, I'm not married or divorced," I replied.

    "You have a girlfriend," she said, "and I don't want Hoochie Mama thinking you're single while you're back there all drugged up."

    "You want me to draw a fourth box that says 'in a relationship' and check it?" I joked.

    "OK," she said, without a smile.

    I refused to draw the box, but I didn't so much as glance at the receptionist again, either. That was my first taste of female jealousy, and while I thought it was pretty silly (and a tiny bit scary), it also made me feel valued. And that's not a bad feeling. Lots of guys I've talked to agree that a woman's jealousy can actually be good for the relationship—as long as she keeps it productive, not toxic. You will, of course, follow your instincts on this, but here, just FYI, are some guys' guidelines.

    Keep your cool
    One of my favorite jealousy stories comes from my buddy Jeff,* the stud goalie on my ZogSports soccer team: "I was watching a college football game on TV when my then girlfriend grabbed the remote and changed the channel," says Jeff. "She said, 'I know you're thinking about f—-ing her at the Empire State Building!'" Jeff had once mentioned doing it atop the landmark with an ex whose alma mater, as it happened, was winning the game on TV. When he told his girlfriend she was crazy, she threw the remote at him and said, "Admit it, you still love her!" Jeff did not still love his ex, but suddenly he wasn't so hot for the remote-controller, either. "If she'd had a sense of humor about how ridiculous she was being, I would have laughed about it too," he says. "I like it when a woman lets me in on her insecurities—but if she's going to get irrational, I'm through."

    Tell him how good he is, not how bad he is
    My friend Dave is madly in love with his wife of 12 years, Liv—and she clearly hasn't lost her teenage crush on him. Says Liv: "I've told him, 'Look, it's not that I don't trust you, but you're human, and good men like you are hard to find, so why shouldn't I expect women to hit on you?'" On long car trips, she's been known to scroll through Dave's cell phone and ask him about any names she doesn't recognize. "I like him to know I'm on him—but in a good way," she says. Dave says he finds her honesty sexy. And really, no guy's going to argue if you tell him he's a catch worth watching out for.

    Make him a little jealous
    If an honest conversation with your guy (the best approach) doesn't nip your envy issue in the bud, my friend J.D.'s girlfriend, Tess, has some interesting advice: "Give him a taste of what you're feeling," she says. After they'd been dating for about a year, Tess noticed J.D. was acting distant. He was staying late at the office and got calls at all hours from a coworker about a case they were working on together (nothing had happened between J.D. and the colleague, but he admits she was distractingly cute). Then one day, Tess called him up to thank him for the roses. "What roses?" he asked.

    "Oh," Tess said with obvious embarrassment. "Well, I guess never mind then."

    For days he was in a tizzy: Who was trying to move in on Tess? Along with his jealousy came a change in behavior—he was attentive, doting, a model boyfriend. They got so close again that his one-year itch went away, unscratched. That was three years ago, and J.D. and Tess are still together and very happy. Recently, she confessed that there never had been any flowers. What can I say? Well played.
    12:12 PM

Login

Forgot password?

Need an account? Sign up